I work at a breeding farm right now and one of the Guatemalan boys is what my boss would say, “smitten” with me. Well, I believe that is easily done considering his circumstances of working on a farm with only two young girls and the rest horses and men…he does not have much exposure as he also works 7 days a week.
I find it funny, he is not creepy about it he is a chunk of years younger and inches smaller so it is almost like a friends younger brother could be.
I have learned a lot from all the Guatemalan boys who work there the past two weeks. And here is my speculation in story form on myself, beauty, and how humans respond.
Sometimes I hear or see them when I am walking through a perpendicular aisle and I know they don’t know I am around. They laugh together and work side by side helping each other. I saw two of them kind of wrestling each other around the dog while they were walking out to bring in the mares. They caught me laughing at them that time. But I was appreciating their camaraderie. All day it is mainly me and the horses which I love don’t get me wrong but it is hard when I need people around as well. Only one of the boys is fluent in English and the one who is smitten is learning. We do a lot of gesturing and guessing and sometimes waving each other off, and I initiate high fives when we understand each other.
I think all this is somehow a definition of beauty. Trying to understand each other. Appreciating differences.
But here is what got me thinking what beauty do we appreciate more? Or most? Because today..Hulio is his name…he said Raechel (in a heavy accent hard to understand R), you are beautiful.” We were walking back from feeding grain to the stallions.
I had been sent home earlier by my boss who is out of town and he called to see how everything is going. When I answered I sounded very manly and he told me I sounded awful and needed to go home and come back to feed.
Basically beauty isn’t my priority right now, I went back to the barn in my shorts hoodie and boots to feed. I don’t like people telling me I am beautiful, I have even written poems about how uncomfortable it makes me feel or how much it ticks me off. I told Hulio to stop it. He asked, No, you no think you are beautiful.” I don’t know how to tell I just don’t want to hear it. That we work together and to be appropriate. SO I shook my head no and just walked fast to put stuff away.
Later I stopped to think because I just lectured a friend to enjoy that someone liked her.
SO I am sitting here thinking….shouldn’t I just enjoy the compliment that was given. And maybe its not just that he saw my legs today (laughter inserted-hahah) but maybe it is more than just looks that makes us beautiful even to people who don’t really know us. Maybe I could think I am beautiful even for one moment. TO observe myself as someone else might through the day.
What really solidified this thought is another person this week told me I must work with horses because I am all the things I love about them…powerful, strong, untamed, sensitive, feisty, strong willed…and yes beautiful.
So for a moment today I saw myself hugging the yearlings and kissing on them…teaching them how not to shy away from things. Talking to them and grooming them. I stepped aside for a moment and saw my eagerness to learn Spanish and understand the culture of the new job…taking pictures of the horses and landscapes sitting on hay at lunch feeling the wind….singing to myself in the feed room and working alongside these boys when I am done working horses. And I thought if I did not know me…know my story know where I had been. I would think I am beautiful.
And if I did know everything I would still think I am beautiful and I wonder how it is that while I write this post I can still be such a rude stranger to myself.
It makes me uncomfortable to post this…feels meaningless…yet it is important because aren’t we all beautiful in some way? In every way? I think people I barely know are beautiful inside and out sometimes immediately. Some people just have a way about them.