I don’t date much…
I don’t like to date…
I used to have a boyfriend for almost three years….
Then I burnt out on that relationship type of stuff.
Don’t get me wrong I like a free dinner here and there…
but I don’t date much.
Part of it is because I feel like a burden…the other part is I get defensive if I like someone because they now have a greater capacity to hurt me more intimately than when they were thousands of feet out of my heart radar.
I went on a first date…after an event in which I met a person I felt slightly interested in and slightly like I could use up my time with someone who really likes me.
Not cool to use people by the way.
We hung out three separate random times..texted here and there and random calls. Two week thing.
It got kind of deep kind of fast for me.
I found out how vulnerable I am right now..how much I miss having close relationships in anyway..both of us were and are dealing with a lot.
Young..young young…we are still young in our mid-twenties with a lot of do’s and dont’s to learn.
He will never know what this year has done to my spirit.
I cut him off last night…ended it, said thank you not right now…
I went to Bible Study instead of hung with him.
SO glad..great community people who care.
That man who took me on a date he said some things…some plain rude guy things and then he said some sweet dating..girls usually want to hear things…..I hated both.
I don’t want to hear that everything I do is cute….please don’t tell me for the hundredth time I am beautiful it makes me want to sock you in the face.
I just need you to respect that and not ask why.
I don’t mind talking about your tractor I love hearing your family comes over every week for dinner. It is beautiful that you have a nice farm and a good job and pay your bills.
I am sorry you can’t do that…no you can’t be that for me….don’t ask that question…..that is more of a fifteenth date kind of thing…..oh you had to bring her up…she gave me birth.,….
Then evening can slide into this
why do I owe you these answers. Maybe I will kiss you and get you to shut up if you are any good at kissing.
Okay you are kind. But I am the better kisser. Your hands are fine……………..
Now it is time to leave….
You keep saying I am so great and you want to take me out again. I keep thinking the attention is flattering and I really hate to be alone these days.
But you keep asking these questions and you keep telling me these truths. You have too much on your plate…a life I can’t mingle with mine right now. You don’t earn the right to hear my story. You may think it is cute that I snort when I laugh….but you may not like that I drip slobber and snot when I sob.
You are just some boy…. a mistake….not all of it regretted.
You know I deserve better then what you have to offer me…. at the beginning I was not looking for that answer, but it is the one I needed to move into some way of respecting myself.
This is why I don’t date a lot.
what is your list of what you are looking for.
But out of these experiences I find good and bad from parts that will help a next time.